Neon Jesus Kiss My Face, Take me to the water

2009 was a strange year, in some aspects... A bit of a fog. A strange fog. What the fuck was I doing I've been asking myself. Part of me is like "Aw fuck you gotta make mistakes" and part of me is disappointed. Life rolls on. Time marches on. Keep on keepin on.

2010 needs to be a tabula rasa of sorts, a clay in which to mold a life and experience.

Sometimes

I'm homesick. A bit depressed. Need some sun.

Strokes

Candy Cane Children :)

Winter leads into a new juncture

There still is a ton of snow outside seeing that it's like 36 degrees. I've been meaning to take pictures... Working on getting off book for the play I am in. I need to just sit down with the script. It's suppose to open sometime in March.

-Z

Maurice Bejart

Bhakti- Shiva 1969
He was an amazing choreographer. Just now learning about him... That's usually how it happens.





-Zuleika

An artist's salvation: Amber Christian Osterhout

Disease Onset



Most recently a friend of mine introduced me to this painter... I was first struck by her ability to translate the pain of living with a loved one struggling with mental illness to canvas. Her paintings are so strong, beautiful, and empathetic. I personally live with a mental illness, which is sometimes hard to face. I lived with it for 18 years until I couldn't manage anymore. I was tired of closing off the side of me I had locked away. I always tried to be strong, and functioned with major depression for 18 years till I had a complete breakdown. It was one of the most painful and confusing times in my life. These past 3 years I have been in recovery. Some days are a struggle, and it's painful to have something you have only so much control over... Opening up about my struggles and getting help has allowed me to be free. Amber's paintings mean so much, and she is beautiful for sharing them. Art became a catharsis for me many years ago. It saved my life. All I can say is don't be afraid and open your heart and mind to the subject of mental illness and the people you encounter with it. See them as people, human. There is truth and insight to every encounter and every experience. They tell us who we are.


Psychosis



Lack of Insight



Suicide



Coping



Recovery

Melancholia

I don't know where to start this. I am beat tired. I keep identifying these last few weeks of school as the "homestretch". The word melancholy in reference to myself kind of enrages me, but I am a little down. Down, but no self pitying. Feeling... I over extended myself this year.

I had the worst night. Dealing with a person from satan's den, I pity this person really. People take no time to get to know themselves. Self Loathing is so evident in people who feel like they have to drown others in their personal failure. Their dying because of their inablity to accept themselves. Faults and gifts in all.

It's just a pebble in the grand scheme of things...

I've been cast in a play called Kid Simple as a "priggish" Triple AAA guide. All this play needs is some psychedelic projections and acid. It's interesting.

Good rest is needed.

Divine Idylle

Sunday- Vanessa Paradis
Be My Baby


Divine Idylle

Joe le Taxi


Zx

Laughter's Shade

In old glory the past wanes subtlety
Expending itself in its only possible way
My brain was left in that common place
Awakened, Disguised, yet far away

If you would dare to see my face
unmasked from the disguise you given me
Each shade would tell a truth
In all earth's wise dignities

As I undress myself of old layers of unconsciousness
A women has grown to redeem herself
No longer suffocated in fear
No longer suffocated in longing
No longer suffocated in past desires

Laughter's shade covers my face
enveloping my very soul
and being

And now the sun is breaking

Phantoms

Z