ANNA MAY WONG

Beauty comes in many forms and faces. She had style and presence.

Origin

Well, life is going. I am tired. Lots of things have been running through my brain. I was standing outside yesterday with some friends talking about sexuality... It was a good conversation. I am a little blue. I want the person who I decided to share my life with to be able to see me. You know?... At the end of the day. I really don't care if it's a man or woman. Maybe someday I'll decide. I think the term curious is disgusting, in a humorous way.

I've learned that relationships are opportunity for growth with another person. Loving them for exactly who they are. Before you can have that you have to love yourself for who you are... It's still going.

I find myself engaged in conversations with people, but far away. I laugh a lot and smile around people, but I am a relatively quiet somber person. I am happy, it's a divine dichotomy. I don't want to spend my life always like that. There are few people I can really relate to on a personal level.
I suppose everyone is like that... There's more going on. Faces...

I think of love as a something that has always been part of my life. It just hasn't manifested itself in my life in that of the romantic. Most of the men in my life have let me down, so I have never really trusted any. It took a lot for me to let that shit go... It sucks when you feel like a child... That's where I am when it comes to men... That little girl who is trying to be strong and tough, but is fragile and soft. Some people don't believe that black girls are like that... I mean I just think of myself as a person... This could go anywhere. It's kind of hard to get out what it is I am getting at.

I really got into The Cure when I was 17, Robert Smith helped realize that men have hearts too... That may sound silly, but he is really one of my heroes for that. He helped me heal a lot of hurt...

I am in a strange headspace. Strange, but good. I have to be a "costume mistress" for my schools production of The Taming of The Shrew. Kinda miffed about it. Part of an independent study of costuming that I am doing. I hardly have time for anything but school.

I use Myspace and Youtube primarily to listen to music, here's a song I dig right now. I suppose I am just writing to write. Maybe the next one with be a bit more purposeful... Bleh
Davila 666

Hajimemashite

That and Konichiwa are like the only Japanese I know... Anyway I've been assigned as a makeup artist for this variety show, I suppose it is Christmas related. I have to do anime inspired makeup, so I am dusting off my manga shoes. Whatever. I used to watch a lot of it when I was younger. Tenchi Muyo, Sailor Moon, and most recently Hellsing. I've only really done makeup on myself so this will be interesting. I'm trying to coax my sister into being my guinea pig, which is funny... I've personally been in love with Harajuku style since I was a tween. Can't believe I just used that term...




I've seen some crazy shit like people drawing those enormous eyes on their eyelids and such. It's not crazy... There are some really talented people, creative.
This is where I am drawing inspiration from.


Wish me luck!

Today, This Week maybe dude :)

So I suppose I am doing this blog for cathartic reasons... Bleh. Plus I love to write. I made the mistake of overloading myself at school. Taking 8 classes is not a good fucking idea if you wish to keep your mental stability... I say that jokingly. I can do it, but yeah it's been interesting. I've gone into slacker mode. Thank God I am smart or I'd really be screwed. I'm just ready to leave the school where I am studying. The biggest bonus about going there is I can walk to my shrinks office which is right across the street. I make jokes about that crap all the time... This is a bit of a drone...

I am working on a play which will be staged in November with the rest of my cohorts in an ensemble cast. We are writing, directing, and acting in this play. We've taken interviews from war survivors (that we've interviewed) and are making a dramatic piece out of it. It's a challenge, but at the same time a beautiful experience. I am grateful to be part of it. This is so much different then most theatrical stuff. You have to respect it so much more. Theater used to make me uncomfortable; it's really opened me up over the years.

I've also taken up ballet again which is like therapy to me. Well, I've realized it's good for me. It makes me happy, and is cathartic. Zen stuff dude, zen stuff.
Happy face

All I Want

Can't you see that you hurt me baby?

I am on a lonely road and I am traveling
Traveling, traveling, traveling
Looking for something, what can it be
Oh I hate you some, I hate you some
I love you some
Oh I love you when I forget about me
I want to be strong I want to laugh along
I want to belong to the living
Alive, alive, I want to get up and jive
I want to wreck my stockings in some juke box dive
Do you want - do you want - do you want
To dance with me baby
Do you want to take a chance
On maybe finding some sweet romance with me baby
Well, come on

All I really really want our love to do
Is to bring out the best in me and in you too
All I really really want our love to do
Is to bring out the best in me and in you
I want to talk to you, I want to shampoo you
I want to renew you again and again
Applause, applause - life is our cause
When I think of your kisses
My mind see-saws
Do you see - do you see - do you see
How you hurt me baby
So I hurt you too
Then we both get so blue

I am on a lonely road and I am traveling
Looking for the key to set me free
Oh the jealousy, the greed is the unraveling
Its the unraveling
And it undoes all the joy that could be
I want to have fun, I want to shine like the sun
I want to be the one that you want to see
I want to knit you a sweater
Want to write you a love letter
I want to make you feel better
I want to make you feel free
Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm,
Want to make you feel free
I want to make you feel free

Love

...

You don't understand what you're doing to me. And I don't think you care.

That's were I grew up

The sense of clarity that being there offers. In the best moments of my reflections, my memories of my childhood help me see. I used to sit on the close line in my back yard as a child and dream or just be. A lot of my pain was pondered there. I can still remember climbing the pear tree, simple moments and gifts are my happiness. I haven't been home in 3 years.

These past 3 years have been probably the most important years of my life. When I left, there was still the residue of the pains I was holding, the confusion. It's my safe haven, part of me. I want to be there now that I've healed, am healing, now that I am a young woman. That place is sacred, part of me. It's where I discovered myself and God, the sacredness of life.

I grew up there